Fat Tomato Summer 004

Expanding our brains (and hearts) in the laziest way possible: why I'm watching movies this summer

watching a movie in bed on a sunny afternoon as I recovered from another migraine. abundant life. we get it all.

Earlier this summer, shelved in my online news feed between endless stories about Taylor Swift and tomato-heavy recipes, a headline caught my eye. The Biggest Regrets of the Dying.¹

I clicked and read the top five regrets:

• I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

• I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

• I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

• I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

• I wish that I had let myself be happier.

I think about death more than I used to. I’m sure it’s related to the primal direction of time and aging - not just my own, but my kids’. I feel them leaving. Though I know it’s as it should be and I’ve never been overly sentimental, there are moments when the grief feels so precise, I cannot even imagine what comes next.

What will they carry from this life we carved from tough questions, enduring love, and inside jokes? As I scroll through hazy mental snapshots of my own childhood, the gaps send me reeling. What will my kids remember? The best of me? My worst moments? I lose sleep trying to mitigate future regret when the better solution is always to stay present.

I know, it’s pretty melancholy for Fat Tomato Summer.

A therapist helped me understand that when we try to shield ourselves from hard or vulnerable feelings², the protective armor we build up over time ends up blunting our ability to feel the fullness of positive feelings like joy and delight.

Last year, during our first inaugural Fat Tomato Summer where I was committed to having the most! fun! summer! I ended up wading through deep pain, instead. To my profound relief, daily grace continued to arrive. My close friendships grew closer. My work - both kinds! - became more meaningful. Even the blackberries proved their solidarity with a bumper crop.

Last summer was a two-month affirmation that life’s gonna life, but our ordinary days can still move to the time signature of contentment and joy.

This year, FTS 2.0, my goal is to metaphorically stand bare-footed in the back yard with my palms up, fully present and receptive to whatever is and will be. Like a poet.

As someone who continuously falls into the riptide of social media and the crush of simply being a human in an age of distraction and immediate access, I was drawn to the ideas of stretching time and (always!) honing my attentiveness. I can feel my own attention span shrinking as more and more and more content is thrown at me every day. Keeping up isn’t even an option, but neither is skimming and scanning my way through a life that could be savored, instead.

June has dealt us plenty, including war, Japanese beetles, and a catastrophic Presidential “debate.” What better time than the sticky drip of summer to throw a few counterweights on the other side of the scale?

This Fat Tomato Summer, I am:

• clearing out physical/mental/emotional space

• creating living memorials of beauty and delight

• showing up for friendship and adventure

I am also watching movies!

The pursuit of a meaningful life doesn’t need to be stuffy or precious. I don’t want production or a good soundbite. I just want to fall asleep warmed by the cozy spark of contentment. I want to believe I have agency over some areas of my life, and I want the satisfaction of knowing I chose well (at least most of the time.)

Lately, that has looked like committing to 90 to 120-minute stretches of art rather than just³ grazing on an endless stream of bite-sized episodes.

So far, there have been two massive stand-outs. I am BEGGING you to watch them.

Two A+ Fat Tomato Movies for Your Summer

Driveways

Slow, quiet, an ultimate neighbor movie about kindness and community. I bawled my eyes out at the end, but not in a traumatized way.

American Symphony

A film about creativity and love. It explores the meaning of life through the lens of mortality. (Fun fact: the minister shown in the trailer is none other than my friend - and poet! - Drew Jackson.⁴)

I have a list of to-be-watched movies going. What should I add to it?

(I’m thinking of starting an ongoing list as part of the full FTS experience. If you want to join us, it’s not too late!)

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One Last Bite

Food/cooking/eating together is central to my Good Day ethos. I cannot express how much time I spend thinking about food, but if you’ve read my books, you have a good idea. Food sneaks into them everywhere.

I was blown away by this expression of community from my effervescent friend, fellow author, and superstar of The Cook’s Channel on YouTube, Bri McKoy.

Bri, a military wife, writes:

Because we're only in a place for three years at a time, we dig deep and fast for community and belonging and this was no different from St. Louis. We went to neighborhood events. We sat next to people we liked at a wine tasting and I demanded we be friends while scribbling my number on a piece of paper (good news, we became great friends!). I said yes to DMs asking me to lunch. We said yes to impromptu park gatherings with neighbors. We said yes to dinners and porch sits and church invites.

We just kept saying yes. All our yeses turned into belonging.

It led to a community we love, a neighborhood we can’t get enough of, shops and restaurants where the owners and workers know our names.

It’s sad to leave a place after three years. But it is sad because we become a part of the place.

…

What we know now is this next job will only take us for two years. And two years doesn’t seem like a lot in theory. But it is 730 actual days. And I would take 730 days with new friends and new adventures and new community over 730 days without.

We got 730 days in St. Louis and it changed my life.

I love this, Bri! It’s so inspiring. So Fat Tomato Summer!

I’ll leave it at that.

Until next time, pals,

Shannan

1. I can’t recall where I originally found this list of death bed regrets, but a little research shows that the data originally came from the best-selling book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, which I haven’t read, but now want to! I have a massive book problem! This is another reason I need to stretch time! As always, book links are affiliate links from Bookshop, because we believe in supporting independent bookshops. Buying through these links toss a small portion my way (at no extra cost to you) which helps me continue to bring you excellent recommendations. :)

2. Hard/vulnerable feelings for me (the ones I try hardest to avoid or deny) include sadness, shame, the fear that I’m alone and/or weak. Do you know yours? It’s worthwhile work to figure it out!

3. I say “just” because bingeing episodes is certainly still an enjoyable if less attuned part of my life. Season 3 of The Bear just dropped, after all! (Haven’t started it yet but cannot wait.)

4. I wrote about Drew and our recent collaboration here.