And Now that We're Grown...
What I would tell Taylor Swift about her boyfriend's "competitive" rage
CW: Domestic Violence (please care for yourself and skip this one if you need to)
The morning after the Super Bowl she sent me a DM, “Do you plan to write about Travis Kelce’s aggression as it connects to domestic violence?”
Full disclosure: I rolled my eyes.1 Maybe it was a micro-crumbling from the pressure I occasionally feel to write thoughtfully about every single cultural moment. Maybe I was just tired from watching a game I don’t even understand so late into my Sunday evening.
“That’s not my lane,” I replied, sugaring up my inner scowl. “I’m sure plenty of people will write about it, and I look forward to reading.”
What I meant by “that’s not my lane” was that I am not a domestic violence survivor. Though we don’t have to earn every opinion, some things require an insider’s lens. But I noticed my quickness to blur my own perspective. I could have simply said, “I haven’t personally been impacted by domestic violence.” Instead, I tapped out a carefully-worded reply, aware I was avoiding something but unwilling to reflect.
Sure enough, in the days that followed I was tossed into the currents of competing opinions. Everyone calm down, it’s football! and It’s a major red flag! and everything in between. Some people named it rage and abuse. Others called it testosterone, adrenaline, the thrilling theater of a relentlessly competitive nature, “disrespectful,” at worst. Could it even be evidence of a traumatic brain injury lurking from all those innocent “scuffles?”2
Depending on my mood, my hunger level, maybe the slant of the sun, I silently agreed and argued against all of them. I should have known there was trouble when I found myself casually asked Cory, “Do you think Travis Kelce’s aggression is a read flag for Taylor?” The micro-flare shot into my atmosphere by that one, innocent question should have had me smelling sulfur.
I was more inclined to think about how differently this would have played out if the sideline hostility had been dealt by a Black man, or a Black woman, or even any woman. Would White people rush to to their defense? I was over this thread. Let Taylor be loved!
Then, without warning or conscious consent, I remembered the rocking chair.