For the Ones Who Would Rather Stay Home

Solidarity, a resource, and a gentle kick in the pants.

If you’ve been around for any length of time, you’ve probably heard about our Monday night Bible study. What began in our previous community (I’ll never forget spontaneously crying in the coffee shop as I wrote about our inaugural group in my first book, Falling Free) grew with us when we moved to the neighborhood nine years ago.

The details have changed over time. Back in the day, we hired a teenager to help with the little kids running in every direction and took turns choosing a faith-based book to read and discuss. (Us women staged a revolt near the end, when we realized we were reading almost exclusively male authors.)

Now, in its newer iteration, the crew is totally different, (we call ourselves The Misfits for reasons obvious to anyone who has ever popped in for a visit, never to return) the kids mostly are teenagers, and we usually study a book of the Bible.

(Something that never changes? Food. Every single week. No exceptions.)

Over a decade that brought tremendous change for our family, this Monday night rhythm sustained us. It’s a strange sort of lifeline. It’s joy. Togetherness. We laugh a lot. We disagree. We learn together.

This week, we finally resumed after six months of a pandemic-induced hiatus. The air was perfect for an outdoor meeting and I had an unopened bag of popcorn ready to share.

So, why did I practically have to push myself out the door at 6:25?

I’ll tell you why…

I’m an introvert.

Here in the Martin house, I’m in good company. 2/3 of us are introverts, which doesn’t mean we’re shy, necessarily. Or hermits. Or even particularly quiet.

Introverts are energized by being alone (or in limited, small groups.)

Extroverts are energized by being where the action is. (Hey, Silas! What’s up, Robert?)

One isn’t better or worse than the other, and both come with superpowers. But unless we understand what makes us tick, we run the risk of surving in stall-patterns of exhaustion or disconnection. Holley Gerth, author of The Powerful Purpose of Introverts, writes about the introvert’s particular need for cultivating “sustainable peace.” Calvin, my 15 year old, said it well, “Being an introvert means I need alone time before social events. It’s how I charge my batteries.”

I know I need to be with The Misfits. I walk home lighter every week. Still, even though the barriers are few, (It’s across the street! It only lasts 90 minutes! It’s some of my favorite people AND they bake good cookies!) I often have to push through my natural tendencies to just stay home and hunker down.

Truth is, I love the part of my job that finds me standing on-stage, speaking to large crowds of people. I’m a bit bossy and *quite* opinionated. I’m not one to avoid conflict. I tend to lead (bulldoze?) rather than follow. I’m not always a great listener.

AND

I clam up in large social settings. I spend a ton of time inside my head, reflecting and overthinking. I cringe at small talk and often feel awkward. My superpower is attentiveness.

All of these things can be true at the same time.

If any of this rings true for you, or if it describes someone you love, I can’t recommend The Powerful Purpose of Introverts highly enough. It’s packed with relatable storytelling and relevant research. (Bonus - it even includes a few checklists and old-school quizzes, all of which I took immediately. An introvert’s idea of a good time!)

Back to Monday night.

We sat beneath the park pavilion, spaced between the large picnic tables we had scooted into some semblance of a circle. Random snacks included popcorn, peanut butter cookies, and an armful of apples foraged from a nearby tree. We spent time catching up (one of is leaves for rehab next week, one of us is recovering from a mental health crisis, one of us is looking for a new church.) And then, as the sun continued its slow slide, just as we were about to read Isaiah 35 - a plea for restoration - a hot air balloon drifted overhead, filling our evening sky with blue-tinged wonder.

This is the magic and mystery of authentic community, where it takes all kinds. A stew of complexity, nourishment, and important awkwardness. It’s there for the taking, right here for the giving, as long as we have eyes to see, ears to hear, and the good sense to shove ourselves out the door when necessary.

“I raise my tea cup in a toast of awkwardness.”

- Holley Gerth from The Powerful Purpose of Introverts

What about you? Are you a little bit Shannan or a whole lot Silas Park? Has it taken time to figure it out? Are you still unsure? Do you find that it keeps changing, as is possibly the case with Cory, per this evidence from just a few short hours ago?

I’m leaving comments open on this one, so head over and spill your guts!

I’m all ears.

Literally.

xo - Shannan

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What’s your ideal way to spend a free day?

Calvin (15): Playing video games, making music, and taking a bike ride with one or two of my best friends.

Ruby (14): Paint, listen to music. Something calm. (It should be noted that at this very moment, while answering my Q, Ruby is wearing a t-shirt that says “If you can read this, you’re too close to me.”)

Silas (12 in one week!): I would go to Sky Zone, have lunch at the Chinese Buffet, go on a bike ride, and have dinner at Miso Japan or Tacos al Portal. With all of my friends!

Robert (26): Scuba-diving!

Me (44): Drink two cups of tea on the couch in my jammies in a completely empty house. Stare at the sky. Tidy up while listening to a podcast. Read. Eat a delicious meal (cooked by someone else) with my family.

Cory (42): Morning coffee at the Electric Brew. Walk around Goshen and take pictures. Olive sandwich at Olympia Candy Kitchen. More exploring on my bike. Dinner at Goshen Brewing Company for a pulled pork sandwich and hopefully running into friends. And then I’d finish off the evening by studying Greek on the back patio.

WE ARE A BARREL OF FUN. Thoughts and prayers for our two enthusastic extroverts.