Church, Friendship, and my Go-To Dinners

A few "Ask Me Anything" answers

Happy Friday!

We did it again, friends. This time, through bitter cold (wind chill of -20 here for several days) in addition to assorted 2025 chaos. (If you are anywhere near the SoCal fires, I don’t even have words. I’m sorry. We love you.)

Yesterday, I put out what might have been my first official AMA (ask me anything) Instagram Story. After 3,762 posts, it felt like I was ready! Back in my aggressive blogging era, I put actual effort into avoiding asking my readers for input. Something had sown fear into my soul about being forced to be something I wasn’t. As long as I didn’t *really* know what people wanted me to be, I could continue being my weird self, with impunity. The wisdom of the day was for every serious (lol) blogger to have a well-defined niche. How constraining! I shuddered, writing almost daily (cannot comprehend!) about whatever my funky heart desired.

It must have worked out, because I still regularly receive messages from those of you who have been here all the way back since Flower Patch Farmgirl-land. Hi! I’m obsessed. Thank you for sticking it out with me. I’m no longer threatened by your curiosity. ;)

I got a ton of good questions, so I’ll probably save some for a future issue of The Soup. (Fun fact! I titled my Substack The Soup because (almost) anything can go in it and because I make soup for a living and because who doesn’t love soup? Besides Ruby?)

Onward, to your questions!

Have y’all found another church home or are you taking a break for a while? + Are you still friends with anyone from your old church?

The frequency with which I am asked these questions is simultaneously devastating and comforting. I knew many of us struggle with church-related trauma/pain, but when it landed at my doorstep, I realized the problem is larger than I imagined. It’s oddly consoling to know we’re not alone.

Being cut off from a faith community, regardless of the reason, is one of the most isolating experiences I’ve ever suffered. People are right to compare it to a divorce or a death. It’s disorienting. The questions it leaves form concentric circles that spiral back, back, back. Given enough time, it can make you question everything.

We have not found another church home. Almost every week, I panic and tell Cory we need to just FIND SOMETHING ALREADY. Then Sunday rolls around, we prepare for and attend Holy Alliance, and by 10 a.m. it feels like we’re going to be just fine. Holy Alliance is the weekly Bible study we host for roughly 60 of our incarcerated friends. We’re pretty adamant that it’s not a church, but that’s probably because we both have enough jobs and don’t want to add “pastor” to the list. It’s also because we’ve lost faith in church institutions.

my Threads energy

Holy Alliance, for now, beautifully serves the function of “church” for us. As chronic night-owls, the hardest part for most Martins is the early Sunday wake-up call. But week after week, our time together fills us with hope. As a bonus, one of my most beloved friends of over a decade has started attending with her boyfriend who is currently in work release. She just celebrated 2 years sober. She saves me a seat every week.

We still have friends at St. Mark’s, though not many. Some of our closest SMUMC friends left the church around the time we did. This harrowing experience has trauma bonded us for life. Due to the secrecy surrounding the entire SMUMC cover-up, I’m certain there are many people who still don’t know what happened or why we left. Though we are trying to inform people through the proper channels, the transient nature of people in work release means folks are constantly coming and going. We have received hand-written hate mail from people who previously cared for us, which is a terrible feeling. But there are also a few people still trying to work for reform from the inside. We are awed by their courage and grateful for their resilience.

Here’s an update: For the past many years, roughly 3/4 of the congregation was comprised of people incarcerated at work release, which is located a few blocks from the church (and our house.) Until recently, many of them, who we are close to, still attended the Sunday service at SMUMC. This was complicated for us, but we did our best to stay focused on our goal of creating a space in Holy Alliance that represents the wide, loving, safe kingdom of God. A month or so ago, work release administration made the decision that their residents could no longer attend St. Marks. This decision was made independently from Cory/us, but our motivation in pressing for accountability has been the underlying belief that the church is not a safe space for anyone, particularly vulnerable congregants.

This response was validating and will help protect people. That means the SMUMC congregation whittled down to 20-30 people overnight. We have enjoyed watching our WR friends find what we hope and believe to be healthier churches that welcome them fully and will do their best to protect everyone. Our hope that the UMC denominational leadership will stop protecting their institution and take a hard look at the dangerous and faulty practices at St. Mark’s remains slim. We press on. To be continued…

Your go-to family weeknight dinner? The simplest one everyone loves?

My hectic schedule these days, combined with January malaise, has made dinnertime somber around here. My most enthusiastic eater is off at college and the other two would rather eat instant ramen, cold cereal, or air fryer junk. At times, I exploit this.

What always saves me is that I love food. I love eating! I want to eat delicious things always! I’ve never been a “meat and three” type of home cook. (Tired just thinking about it...) I’m a BIG fan of one-dish meals, soups, and bowls with toppings.

• Spaghetti is always a winner. (This is my go-to homemade marinara recipe. It’s so simple - 5 stars! I modify as needed - I often don’t have fresh parsley and add a glug of balsamic in place of the white wine, which I rarely have on hand.) I’m also not too proud to just dump jar sauce over my pasta.

• Korean Beef Bowls with quick-pickled cucumbers

• Chicken Lettuce Wraps (I often shred the lettuce, make rice, and serve it as a bowl)

• Zuppa Toscana

• Chicken Chili recipe from Start with Hello

• Lemon Chicken Orzo Soup (we made this at work last week and it was a HIT!)

• Here’s a typical scenario from last night: I had 3 boneless/skinless chicken thighs left from a previous meal (approx 1 lb) so late in the day, I poured pickled onion brine over them along with some salt, a little olive oil, a squeeze of lemon from a random wedge left lying around, some garlic powder, and crushed red pepper. Later, I pan fried them along with lots of cumin and some onion powder, then I shredded them. I made a pan of Mi Arroz red rice (you can find the seasoning packets at Walmart. Delish!) and we had taco bowls with lettuce, salsa, cheese, pickled peppers, store bought guac, sour cream, extra hot sauce.

• Another variation of the above bowl situation is a Greek/shawarma bowl using this chicken recipe, chickpeas/hummus, lettuce, tomato, tzatziki (simple enough to make but store bought is great,) olives, feta, whatever you have around. No one is ever mad about a bowl!

• This cookbook remains my ultimate go-to, randomly. There are quite a few reliable gems in here, and they’re all pretty quick and simple. (I ate leftover Lebanese Chicken and Rice for breakfast this morning.)

Okay, GUYS! I am already at 1400 words. I was planning to keep going, but no one has three hours to spend reading one Substack. I’ll see you back here next week, when I’ll answer the questions I didn’t get to:

I’m scared and worried all the time now. What do I do?

How do we engage locally?

What are you currently reading?

Until then, may you thaw peacefully, laugh rowdily, and eat cozily. May hope be the blanket that covers your despair. Everything is a mess. We have good reason to be discouraged. But we can still carry joy and curiosity in our free hand.

XO,

Shannan